Finding JOY

It’s December.  For many of us, that means the smell of baked cookies and hot chocolate permeating through every crack and crevice in our home.  The sound of Christmas carols filling our ears as we walk into stores or turn on the radio. And, thoughts of giving to others take over our minds as we decide on the “perfect” gift. 

For me, it meant Christmas Eve with my mom’s side of the family, and Christmas day with my dad’s.  All the cousins would be there and my uncle would put on the best Santa suit that the Sears catalog had to offer and “surprise” all of us kids.  The bowls on the tables would be adorned with pecans, hard candy, and silver nutcrackers that I would inevitably get my finger caught in.  It was a simpler time them, but it was my time. Oh, the holidays…such a special time of the year.

But what about the times when you walk down the aisle in the store, and the smell of your loved ones perfume or cologne hits you in the face?  Or when you get in the car and you hear a song that takes you back to a memory with someone who is no longer in your life?  Or, while walking through your home, your eye catches hold of something that was given to you by someone who can no longer give?  If the holiday now means that you get together with friends because the grandparents (or parents) have gone, and the cousins are now located all across the country, or that the house you grew up in has now been turned in to a multi unit sub-division, you are not alone. And, if you are having trouble finding anything special about this time of year, you are not wrong.

Holidays can very difficult when dealing with loss, especially if it’s the first holiday. And, losses can come in all shapes and sizes.  The loss of a job.  The loss of a pet.  The loss of your health.  Divorce. Becoming an empty nester for the first time. And, of course, losing a loved one.  This list is by no means exhaustive, we all have suffered various types of loss and we all deal with it differently.  There is no right way to feel, as long as you remember to do just that.  Feel.

Remember to embrace and acknowledge your grief and allow yourself time to heal. There is no timeline and there is not a roadmap.  I would encourage you to give yourself some JOY during the holidays:

J –Just be you…remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve.  You may find that you have it together one minute, and the next minute the water works start and you have no idea why.  This is normal and natural, and should be happening.  Grieve however you need to, just remember to grieve.

O – Opt For….things that bring us new peace and happiness during the holidays.  This is a time to set new traditions with ourselves and new people.  After we lost my mom, my dad and I began a new tradition of going to a favorite restaurant on Christmas morning.  This is now something we do as a family, and I know after he is gone, I will pivot and do something else.  The point is that you are able to opt for new things.

Y – Yell…from the rooftop if you have to, as long as you remember to communicate.  Most people want to help, but they don’t always know how.  They don’t always know what to do or say, and fear that they might say the wrong thing.  Don’t be afraid to let others know what your needs are…not only, but especially during the holidays.  If you have always done a certain activity or gone to a special place, its ok to let others know if you can’t or aren’t ready to continue the tradition.  Most of the time a simple, “I’m not ready” is enough.  The main thing to remember is to let others know how you feel and keep the lines of communication open.

Until next time, don’t be afraid to reach out to us and let us know how we can be of any help or assistance with grief, or any other mental health concerns.